The Sports Corner

You’ve come a long way, MMA

Have you ever watched something years after it took place and couldn’t believe it actually happened?

Some shows like Seinfeld are timeless and I can’t imagine a time when it won’t still be as good as it was when it first aired.

Then I watched Three’s Company. It took me less than two minutes before I said to myself, “This was supposed to be funny?”

It seems like forever since the UFC and MMA was first introduced to the world, but it was actually only fifteen years ago. Spike was recently running another episode of UFC Unleashed and they were basically showing the best of Royce Gracie from the first four UFCs.

I remember watching it on what I think was a bootleg tape at my cousins’ house way back in the day and I thought it was the coolest thing I had ever seen at the time. Now, after watching it again, it looked like one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen in my life.

The jiu-jitsu that Royce used to finish his fights were no different than what we see today.

Everything else absolutely blew my mind though.

Pony-tail grabbing and head butts were the norm and the refs waited until the guys were as close to dying as possible before they stepped in. The announcers were local cable quality at best (with the exception of Jim Brown who was and always will be a bad ass no matter what he does).

They knew absolutely nothing about jiu-jitsu. Royce would get his opponents back and the commentator would say it was a bad position for the other guy to be in. Then the play-by-play guy asked, “Why is that?”

The same guy even asked why the other fighter was tapping out and the commentator responded, “Because his arm was about to get broken.” I imagine it would be like listening to the Korean announcers do play-by-play of the Super Bowl.

(The UFC really needs to take advantage of how terrible the announcing was by re-releasing a DVD set with Joe Rogan providing commentary over top of what was actually being said. It would be similar to the producer’s/director’s commentary on a movie. What MMA fan wouldn’t want to watch that?)

By far the best fight that they showed was when Royce fought Kimo, the yoked Hawaiian dude who literally carried a Jesus sized cross with him to the ring. Kimo outweighed Royce by 74 pounds!

The fight was awesome, but my favourite part was when Random Task from Austin Powers rushed the ring after it was done and wanted to fight the entire Gracie family.

(Fast forward to five minutes in to see him go nuts. It really is him too. Check out this video evidence as proof. What’s even crazier is that the guy was recently connected to a rape he committed in 1990. After reading that, it’s pretty obvious he deserved every moment he got hit in the balls during UFC 4. What a scumbag. Too bad the Gracies didn’t get a chance to beat him down that night.)

It’s hard to believe that what I watched is somehow connected to what I watch all the time now. But people thought Three’s Company was funny and I have trouble believing that too.

You’ve come a long way, MMA. A very long way.